Kaeli J.W. writes:
“I tend to have intense relationships that move quickly. My conversations also tend to be intense. I really like talking about my passions, experiences, social justice, philosophies… deep subjects. But I think high intensity speeds things up, and maybe I could let things develop more slowly. It’s not something I’m sure that I can or want to change. I always veer towards intensity. Do you have any advice about that?”
Kaeli,
Getting to know someone is so exciting especially when we’re really intrigued by them! There’s nothing wrong with getting to know someone or sharing about each other. The trick is to just pay attention to and respect what the other person is reciprocating. If you find that you want to go really deep into someone’s psyche but they’re not ready or willing to let you in then that is a boundary that you’re crossing unfortunately. We always have to ask ourselves is the other person going at the same pace as us? And if you want a faster pace and the other person doesn’t then maybe it’s time to find someone else who’s more ready and willing to delve into intense discussions early on. But if you’re willing to be patient and slow down the pace the other person may eventually open up and meet you at the level you’re excited by.
We always have to ask ourselves whether or not the other person in a relationship is giving an equal amount as us. We also have to know at what point we stop being patient and just try to find someone who’s more ready to meet our needs. I recommend looking for people who are also excited by discussing deep conversations but always keep in mind other people’s comfort levels and boundaries may not be like yours.
I’ve seen all too often the wanting to jump into someone’s head with good intentions but not realizing that they may not want you in their head just yet. Or maybe at the level you’re seeking. So my advice is seek those that enjoy intense intellectual discussion and just learn to be patient with allowing them to open up. But also know at what point you’re willing to walk away if they won’t open up so that you don’t find yourself frustratingly waiting forever. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that are waiting and wishing to meet someone that wants to connect on a deep intellectual level so don’t even think about changing that about yourself 🙂
Sending you good vibes!
Eros
Eros V 